Crown Jewel Boutique 231.5

Yet again I've been notably absent-- this time for focusing on trying to launch the website for my Jewelry Business! I wanted to give you guys a sneak peak-- my friend has talked me (reluctantly) into modeling my own jewelry but I LOVE this photo-- we still have to take a few more and edit some more photos as well... (and make some more jewelry)-- I'm going to be selling earrings, necklaces and bracelets -- I will even custom make pieces as well. Before the site is even up I've already sold 15 pieces-- so I'm happy about that! Anyway just wanted to check in and give you guys an exclusive sneak peak at what is coming!!

Get excited, tell your friends and stock up for Christmas!

Some Wedding Photos 236.5

Here are some photos that were taken @ my cousin's wedding/ reception. This was me trying to line dance.. I find it amusing that even in the photos you can see how uncoordinated I can be :o)

This is a dress I bought @ IGIGI. I just recently came upon online store. I think their stuff is great! i love that they make flirty dresses for plus sized women. The prices are a little high-- but they have sales quite often. I loved the dress I bought-- although I wish I had realized that the tie was sagging and I would have fixed that! IGIGI has another dress with the same fabric/ pattern but a different top (which has straps on it rather than the wrap dress) but I think it's absolutely beautiful and I'm tempted to purchase it. The other thing that's kinda nice (Iguess) about IGIGI is that the sizes are "smaller" than what they actually are. For instance right now I fit pretty easily into a size 18 but the dress I bought from IGIGI was a 12.Hopefully I'll be able to get my hands on the photos we took BEFORE the reception where hopefully my dress is sitting a little nicer :o)

Dinner --235.5

Here's some dinner I made the other night. It's shrimp, sun dried tomatoes, spinach, mushrooms, pasta and feta cheese. I sauteed the shrimp, sun dried tomatoes, spinach and mushrooms in a skillet-- I didn't need to use any sort of oil with it because there is a little residual oil on the sun dried tomatoes (from being in the jar they come in). I cook the pasta for about a minute less than suggested, drain it, then add it to the skillet, throw just a spoon of the feta (which is actually tomato basil feta)-- I then cook that for a couple of extra minutes-- plate it and add another spoon of feta on top. It's really good and pretty healthy for you-- just watch how much pasta you're eating-- and you can make it even better by using whole wheat pasta!

I didn't find this recipe anywhere.. I just thought about what I thought would taste good together-- add what you want to it-- I thought oregano and basil would be tasty--maybe even some artichoke hearts!

If you try it let me know! It's pretty simple to make and probably takes about 15 minutes at the max. (the biggest time commitment is waiting for the water to boil and the pasta to cook for about 7 minutes)

Perfect Self Portrait --235

Hi all!

Sorry I've been away.. I've been working on getting my necklace/ jewelry shop up and running-- I have a logo-- working on a website-- so far I've sold 7 necklaces (not bad I guess) .. I just wanted to share with you.. what I feel is the most perfect self-portrait :o) More to come!

Jewelry! 242

Hey guys! As promised here are some photos of (some) of the necklaces I've been creating. I made 10 this weekend alone (these are 5 of the ones I've made this weekend. I've made about 25 so far, sold two-- just to people I'm showing them to at work/ or over the 4th when I saw some of my family). I'm working on creating a website to sell them on..

I took these photos today but wouldn't you know as soon as I got set up outside the clouds came out (this makes for a less than desirable shoot-- but overall I think they turned out well). The initial photos I took inside and they turned out too dark (hence why this has been so long in coming) It's taking me some time to come up with the photos and formatting them/ naming them (I'm trying to come up with cutesy names for each one-- I bet this will get more difficult as time goes on since at this point they are all one of a kind beauties) . I wanted to give you guys a special sneak preview. Let me know what you think!

Phantom Fat!

I heard on the radio that there is a "disease" called phantom fat. This is really the same idea as a phantom limb (where people who have lost limbs still have phantom feelings for that leg, where it may seem to itch or hurt etc as if the limb were still there). Well the idea of the phantom fat is that even after people lose weight they still perceive themselves to actually be fat-- you worry about all the same things that you used to when you were over weight, like knocking things over, being too heavy to sit on certain things, thinking you can't fit into clothes, being too wide to fit in seats etc. They said that this "phantom fat" typically occurs in people who have either lost significant weight in short period of time (typically those who have had bariactric surgery) or people who have simply been overweight for a long time.

This makes me wonder if I might actually have this when all is said and done. Even now I don't really see that much of a difference in myself from where I started. Having been overweight my entire life--- I wonder how I will perceive myself when I hit my goal weight (which I've never weighed that little in my entire adult life). Not that phantom fat is really a serious matter it's just really being accustomed to how your body has functioned for a long time.

In this same news report they said that people who have lost weight are actually more self-conscious or self-aware than people who are overweight that have never attempted to lose weight. I think it's also interesting that they stated people who have lost a lot of weight are also more conscious of what they look like than people are in thin. I would probably assume this has a lot to do with being aware of what you look like now and what you looked like THEN. Looking at where I'm at when I hit my goal weight and comparing that to what I looked like at my heaviest is motivation enough to keep going to the gym and make sure I keep the weight off!

Happy 4th! ---241

Happy 4th of July!

Just a Little Work Out Tip 240.5

I recently heard on the radio that when you're working out you should try to sing as loudly as you can. What this basically does it tighten up your abs while you work out. Since I work out at a gym, I didn't think people would appreciate me singing at the top of my lungs.. so instead I basically lip synced.

Having being in choir for a few years I know you're supposed to sing with your gut, basically pushing down your diaphragm-- as I lip synced I pushed as if I was singing really loudly and let all the air come out as if I was singing just avoiding using my voice box. I have to say it actually worked really well. I've been having a really hard time getting my stomach to be sore, even with the ab crunch machine at the gym-- and this actually did the trick! Try it out! If you're brave enough to sing at the top of your lungs while at the gym, please let me know the reaction of your fellow gym mates :o)!

The best way to bring work out cheer is singing loudly for ALL TO HEAR!

Dance Your Ass Off -242

I don't know if any of you have had the chance to catch Oxygen's new TV show, Dance your Ass Off. I actually find it to be quite entertaining. The premise of the show is basically Dancing With the Stars (minus the stars) combined with Biggest Loser. While admittedly I don't watch either of the afore mentioned shows, the general idea is the same perform, lose weight or GO HOME!

Each week the contestants are given a "theme" of dance and with a professional dance partner they rehearse all week. Each conestant weighs in at the beginning of the week and then again at the end of the week. Constestants are scored based on the percentage body weight lost + the average score given by the 3 judges-- the contestant with the lowest score goes home!

I think it's genuinely pretty interesting. Through the week each contestant has access to a doctor, nutirionist and professional dance partner. The daily routine includes work outs and 2 hours of dance (so it's no wonder some of these people are losing 10+ lbs in a week). This is weight loss the RIGHT way-- and I think that's awesome (and it looks so fun too!!)

Although so far I really like the show, my biggest pet peeve reamins with the host, Melissa Jaret who it is obvious they have stuffed into a gurdle (being a plus sized woman herself). What kind of message is it that the host of the show is overweight (while all contestants themselves are losing weight and she remains the same) AND the fact that not only is she plus sized but they try and make her look smaller by smoothing out the problem areas and stuffing her in to skin tight dresses.

The other beef I have with this show is the costumes designed by "professional designers" are incredibly skimpy. All women are in short shorts or short dresses/ skirts and with the exception of ONE woman and ONE man-- the guts are fully exposed. While I understand the logic behind this (the less clothing the more we can see "progress")-- I think it's a bit degrading and distastful. Although I suppose if you're competing to lose weight and WIN 100 grand, you don't mind sharing your weight and your body with the entire world.Anyway give it a try-- tune in and see what you think. The show has really inspired me to consider joining a dance class for exercise-- something I've actually been thinking about on and off for a few years.-- who cares if I lack rhythm-- lol.

Better Late Than Never! --241

Ok so here are a couple of photos left over from my New Orleans trip (back just before Easter).In other news I've started back to the gym after about a two month hiatis. On Sunday I worked out for about 1.5 hours (all cardio)-- while I've been at a relative standstill for weight loss, I know I need to keep going! I was so distraught (which I know sounds stupid) when I lost 50lbs, it was such a huge milestone-- and fear really took over me. I'm trying to kick it back into high gear.

I've had to put my house hunt back on hold due to some issues with my employer. I don't want to get into it too much at this point (but I'm sure eventually I will be blogging about it and much much more). If anyone knows of jobs in the Cincinnati/ Dayton area please let me know ASAP. So house hunt gone-- replaced with job hunt!

I'm still working on this little side business for jewelry-- still in the process of setting things up and building a base of work-- I promise as soon as I get it up and running I'll be sharing it with you guys!

Look for a blog post tomorrow--- I have one in mind! :o)

I'm 28 *party favor partied out* -243

soooo today's my 28th birthday. I can't help but feel old.. lol (I realize I'm going to get backlash for that statement from the 30 + crowd) This is actually the first birthday I can remember spending alone.. like.. not going out with people... perhaps this is the turning point where people start to "forget" their own birthday on purpose. lol who knows. It's sad in a way.. not having a special someone to celebrate with.. but I'm just going to digress on that point...

Anyway.. on that note.. I did some shopping this weekend..,. and when I say SHOPPING.. I mean SHOPPING! this weekend I bought 3 dresses, 2 pairs of pants (this is really out of necessity for work since I can't get my old work pants to stay up) 3 lips glosses (I got this for free from sophora for my BIRTHDAY! YAY!) 3 bras (it's the victoria's secret semi-annual sale don't you know) a calendar/ card rack (from Pier 1 that is going out of business which I plan to use for craft fairs.. selling cards and pieces of artwork) and finally a nice pair of fuschia flats. lol so when I say shopping.. now you know what I mean! So.... without further aduie here is some photos of the dresses and the shoes (what I'm most excited about!!)

242.5-- It's a John and Kate + 8 Thing!

Hi Everyone! Sorry for my long absence.. things have just literally been so crazy for me. I've started up a house hunt again-- I've been working on a new "money scheming" adventure (for those of you who don't know I really have a desire to work from home for myself-- preferably making artwork but that hasn't had much success.. so I've been dabbling in different forms of "Art" to try and "MAKE A HIT"). Anyway my new "money scheming" adventure is actually making jewelry-- and what I really mean by that is "beading".

I was introduced to beading by my best friend, Amber when I was out visiting her in San Francisco/ San Diego. I ended up investing about $300 in beads/ supplies while I was out there.. I'm using only high quality stuff-- ie sterling silver .925-- NATURAL gemstones and semi-precious stones.-- I'm working on getting some "dummies" so I can display the necklaces nicely and take some photos of them in my attempt to sell them online. Stay tuned for photos to come!

Anyway what I really wanted to write about is John and Kate + 8 and their "announcement". I've been an avid watcher of this show since it started really. Initially I think the motive of John and Kate was to satisfy the daunting task of affording the family they never intended to have. I also think that allowing all the cameras into their life was a way of not only providing but also squandering all the baby crazies out there from seeking them out in person to ask questions etc.

I must admit that here recently (especially this season) it seems like the family is just really in it for the stardom-- and what a tangled web they wove. It seems like each new episode this season is filled with celebrities or some sort of gift they have received being flaunted. It's gotten so commercial. Now I know there are rumors flying about unfaithfulness and the greedy and over zealous Kate, but what TLC has done is created a monster in ratings-- and perhaps of the parents themselves. While I hate to speculate on all of these rumors I do know a few things for fact. While John and Kate's parents have never been featured on the shows-- they did have brother/ sister-in-law AND a couple of friends who have all but disappeared from the show. I think this is not a result of "business" but more as a result of burning bridges.

But regardless of all of those things it's really the kids who are suffering. While Kate is out doing her "job" giving speeches and seminars on"family" and John is off going out with friends etc-- the children are at home with nannies-- you note also that as a family they have gone away from the whole "organic" realm of things which seemed to always be the forefront of every meal in past seasons. The family also always made church a priority, driving an hour each way to church. A family that was always so centered on "time outs" as opposed to "spankings" has now been caught by the paparazzi doing just that. (Actually I'm a whole hearted supporter of spanking but my point is here that the core values of this family seems to have changed drastically). It seems to me the more the fame grew-- the further apart the family has grown.

As difficult as Kate is to deal with-- I really hope for the family's sake that John and Kate are not getting divorced. What I really hope and pray for is that this huge announcement is not for a divorce but the decision that the show will end. As much as I love seeing the children and how they grow-- I think the priorities have gotten all out of whack and I hope that John and Kate have done well with saving and investing the millions of dollars they have already made from the show.

While the show has really benefited this family I think it's really hurt it in a lot of ways. The possibility of divorce and the fact that the children are constantly being "raised' by someone other than their parents really speak to that. On the show John and Kate have revealed that the cameras have never left their house since the second "one hour special"-- the now 9 and 5 year old have never known anything else- how strange is that? These children need to be kids and not TV stars.

It will be interesting to see in years to come what these kids have to say. I'm sure at that point you'll hear some of the things that went on that weren't the most pleasant things-- and there is bound to be at least one or two kids who are really resentful for the entire experience.

So Monday will tell the "future" for this family. I really hope and pray that this is the end for the show out of love for the family.

Chop Chop --245

I woke up on Sat morning and thought "my hair looks like a big blob.. I think I'm just going to cut it off into a short bob" -- so I called and made an appointment for later that day-- well I ended up chickening out the bob for fear I would look AWFUL-- so I went a little safer.. but I did chop off quite a few inches-- Around 6 inches or more in places. -- Here they are! Tolerate the fact that I took them myself and I wasn't wearing make-up!

Swallowed by Insecurities-- 245

This was a photo from my vacation-- In case it's hard to make out.. it's me in a sharks mouth. I thought I was being funny-- but when I saw the photos.. I felt like I was being swallowed whole by my insecurities and not the shark head @ the Birch aquarium.

After 50 lbs lost (well you can see I'm up a few lbs at the moment-- I think that's water weight but we'll see in a day or two)-- ANYWAY after 50lbs lost-- I'm really starting to notice the permanent damage I did to my body-- particularly stretched out-- stretch marked skin. I find this especially noticeable in my arms! My inner arms are covered in stretch marks.. which as I lose weight has transformed into flabby flaps. -- This coupled with the "gut" I've acquired that still doesn't want to move (I've lost 1 inch on my gut-- compared with the 5 inches I've lost on my chest, the 8 inches on my waist and the 6 inches on my hips)-- that belly won't go away-- it's incredibly frustrating-- and unattractive. Before I gained all this extra weight I always had a pretty flat stomach-- even @ 220 lbs my stomach remained flat-- now that the fat is on there it is refusing to budge.-- and finally my chest. -- I've gone down a cup size (well on one side I have HAHAH!)-- my one boob tends to want to pop out of my cup-- on the other side it's a little smaller (which I know is normal-- but it's annoying and again unattractive to me.)

I'm having a really hard time coping with this change. I mean it's awesome that I'm taking control and losing weight.. but it's terrifying! (see previous blog)-- and it's frustrating to me that I look like a fat person who has lost weight.. instead of a person who has always been *this weight*. I'm normally very self-confident-- but I was just so overcome with this while on vacation-- I'm scared to see what my final body looks like-- I know.. I just need to take it one day at a time.. but it's hard! I'm struggling. I want to lose weight but I'm having a hard time motivating myself. *sigh* anyway I just wanted to share what's on my mind.

Trip photos 243

Sorry I've been noticeably absent recently-- I've actually been gone for my San Francisco/ San Diego trip-- and I've been back for a week now.. (pictured above-- me enjoying a prickly pear margarita on our first night in Coronado)

Anyway I just wanted to share some photos from the trip with you-- tomorrow I'll probably talk a little about the challenges/ realizations I had while I was on my trip-- and then I'll also share with you a photo of my new *very short (for me)* hair do-- so stay tuned I've got several posts in mind for the up and coming days!This it he view from my friend's aunt's condo (that we stayed in for the duration of the trip to Cornoado/ San Diego)-- it was so generous of them to allow us to stay there for free-- look how close we were to the ocean-- and you can see the San Deigo skyline as well :o)

One of the days we went to both Miramar Speed Circuit and Legoland. Vroom Vroom speed racers!

A squared--or cubed if you count the "A" column we're standing underneath :o)

Darth and R2D2 were both made completely of legos-- fight him I did.. win HE DID NOT!

We spent a day @ the San Diego Zoo and Wild Animal Park! It was pretty neat to see the 2 pandas they had there.. and also be close to a lot of the animals.-- I'll post more photos later!This is me with some sort of African deer and her baby (I don't remember what they were called exactly.. but they were definitely the softest of the animals they had in the "petting" area.

243 -- FREE HUGS

I really like the song "As Long as You're Here" by the Sick Puppies-- so much so I tagged it on my iphone (it does this neat thing where you can use an application to identify any song you hear-- you just have to ask it to listen to it)-- anyway I looked up the song/ video on YouTube. What I came across was actually the Free Hugs campaign which is put to this song! Please watch the attached video.. but I wanted to give you a brief synopsis and then talk a little about it as well.

Basically the video starts out with a John Lenon looking guy with a sign that states "FREE HUGS"-- it starts out with a bunch of people ignoring him and darting past him. We all know we've dodged a few "weirdos" out in public before. As the video progresses it shows people starting to hug him-- then more and more hugs come-- then other people participate with their own signs. Eventually the cops come and shut the whole thing down-- they are banned from giving away free hugs! So what happens in turn actually is really emotional for me-- all of these people ban together and start a petition to override the ban on free hugs! They are able to acquire 10,000 signatures (which is what they need to remove the ban) and then everyone celebrates with a hug. The video completes with a bunch of people hugging.

What I find so great/ intriguing/ emotional about this is the theory behind it! Our society has become so detached from one another-- where we'd rather blog to people we don't know than actually talk to someone we do know! Our society has become so interconnected with "social networks" like facebook, myspace, friendster, linkedin -- but what we're lacking is the physicality-- is the actual face to face *I care about you*. On any one of these social networks I can silently keep up with my friend-- but that's just it.. it's SILENT. I can't tell that ANYONE cares for me because I don't know they are "checking in with me"-- what a shame this is really!

There was a study done that showed that in order for a person to be emotionally happy/ fulfilled they need to feel connected with other people--- connected PHYSICALLY! They found that we need to be touched 7 times daily to be emotionally content (touching-- as simple as someone patting you on the shoulder or grabbing your arm) 7 times! Isn't that amazing.. I sit back and think about that-- and the truth is-- I go days.. even weeks sometimes without touching anyone! When I really start to think about that-- it's absurd-- but completely the truth!-- I'm physically anemic in a severe way when it comes to physical contact with people-- and I'm sure many of you are the same way!

I think that's why this video is so amazing to me! Once people became open to the idea of touch-- they were willing to fight for it. How ridiculous is it that our society has become so "anti- touch" that something as innocent as a free hug would be looked upon as strange-- and such a publicly menacing thing that it had to not only be stopped but BANNED from occurring!

Anyway-- those are my thoughts--- enjoy the video-- and reach out and touch someone today! I'm going to virtually hug all of you now-- lol but remember that doesn't count towards anyone's 7 a day :o)

240.5 My Kid Could Paint That

Hello 281 readers-- this is a crossover post from my other blog, Perfectly Chic -- i loved this documentary so much I felt the need to share it with followers of this blog as well!I recently came across a documentary that I think is essential for any art lover to watch! It is entitled "My Kid Could Paint That" directed by Amir Bar-Lev. The story surrounds young artist Marla Olmstead who started painting at the age of 2 (now 9). The documentary follows her success as an international abstract painter. Her paintings become more and more coveted as the prices of her paintings soared into the tens of thousands of dollars range.

What is most interseting to me about the documentry is the fact that she literally came out of nowhere when as a "novelty" she was asked to show a couple of paintings in the local coffee shop-- and things took off from there. As her paintings become more and more in demand speculation started to surround her family (her father who dabbles in art is suspected of either assisting Marla with paintings or completely creating the paintings himself). It's facinating to watch as even the director of the documentary who was 100% confident in the autheniticty of the work, starts to wane in his faith as the documentary progresses.

I give this documentary a perfectly chic rating of 10.0 for the way it grabs you, tells a story, and really questions the authority of modern abstract art.

240- Broccoli- It's What's for Dinner!

This is what I ate for dinner last night! It's a little concoction I made up comprised of a sprig of broccoli, a splash of balsamic vinegar and 2 tbs of crumbled feta. This would made a good Mediterranean side or you can actually eat it for dinner like I did!

240.5 Yummy in my Tummy Take 2

I just had to share the perfect little summer treat! I bought some mango sherbert (as an alternative to say strawberry ice cream)--- and I mixed it up with some fresh fruit (strawberries, blueberries and raspberries to be exact!) It's super yummy.. and nice to look at as well :o)

240.0 There's no Graceful Way to Hike Up Your Pants

As the summer is upon us I'm stuck in a bit of a dilemma as I pull my summer wardrobe out I'm noticing that NONE of my clothes fit me! This is awesome, annoying and terrifying all at the same time! Especially since I haven't been required to wear dress pants to work for the past month (we were allowed to wear jeans if we donated to Ronald McDonald House). Anyway, after having not had to wear dress pants for a month I come back to find that all of them are too big! They seem to fit ok when I leave the house but I notice that as I walk they slide further and further down my hips causing an immense case of "droopy butt syndrome" (Where it looks like I'm wearing or diaper.. or perhaps like I *should* have been wearing one). This also has brought to mind the fact that there is no graceful or attractive way to hike up your pants. I'm having to constantly pull and yank them up after sitting, while walking etc. The worst part is that not even my belt is remotely snug anymore.

Why is this terrifying you may be asking? Isn't it great that none of my clothes fit because that marks real change? Well not entirely! You see I've been a size 20 for as long as I remember (I even remember being a size 20 in 5th grade when I was excited that they actually made Levi's in a size 20 that didn't have an elastic waistband). Honestly, that was like the most exciting day of my life because I could wear a brand that everyone else was wearing-- but that's an entire different story.

Back on track. Why is this terrifying? Well you see since I've been the same size my entire adult life and beyond.. I have clothes... I have a TON of clothes actually that I've been able to accumulate over the years. My sense of style has always been unique because limited to the "plus sized department" and a few key stores like Lane Bryant, I've had to rely on a keen sense of matching things that fit with contrasting colors. I've had to search through all the trash that's out there to find a few items I truly love-- nothing that screams "plus sized department"-- things that fit in enough but are outside the box of the normal fashion realm. Throughout the years I've been complimented on my style (which honestly developed with a bit of effort but really out of my necessity to not be viewed as the token fat girl).

So the fact that my clothes don't fit-- well that's scary! I'm going to have to venture out and not only financially commit to a whole new wardrobe but also I'm faced with the fact that I won't be able to shop in the stores I've been so accustomed to. As I lose more and more weight it's going to open the doors to many MANY new stores. I'm going to have to put more effort into keeping and developing my sense of style. I'm going to have to seriously hunt for things I truly love and not just buy things because I now fit into them. I'm going to have to be careful not to overspend on items for the same reason! The entire situation is daunting already and I'm not even there!

I never expected to have this sense of insecurity before. I want to hit my goal weight so bad! I really do.. but I'm starting to get intimidated! Not only for the clothes reason (which sounds so materialistic and stupid) but also from the aspect of the men department! I've already had so many issues with men in my life.. I know as I continue to lose weight I'm going to have more men approach me.. and not only approach me but more men coming at me for the WRONG reasons. I need to be careful as I've been redirecting my focus from yet another failed relationship (which I've been careful not to mention on here-- ).

I'm spending this time redirecting my focus from men.. re-focusing my attention to working out/ losing weight-- re-focusing my thoughts and actions toward my friends and family and God.. and just trying to keep my head on straight. This is tough! I can't believe how none of these things really came to mind before! But I guess there was something so poignant about hitting the 50lbs lost mark that really had me thinking. This entire process has really been amazing. It really has. I'm excited to see where this will take me in the next few months.

239- Videography

I created this video a little while ago--- it's my first attempt at videography utilizing VISTA movie maker-- I have in the past interned with an advertising agency where I utilized more professional programs-- due to that I noticed a lot of limitations in terms of the capability to edit lengths of the clips and include "supers"(text over the images). I realize it's a little rough on timing -- but as afore mentioned it was hard to get the timing right when you mess up everything that goes on after it-- I'm working on another video right now-- so that one will be more to my standards (promise) Hope you like!!!

239!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

It's time to celebrate because I weighed myself this morning and it turns out I have officially lost 50lbs!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! YAY!

242.5 Twitter!

Follow me on Twitter (if you're in to that sort of thing) :o)

244.5-- It's Not About Me

This blog has been entirely about my weight loss and the struggle I have endured while trying to make sense of it all-- trying to regain my footing-- working through failed relationships. I came to the realization today with the help of a friend that it's not about me. It's not about me at all. The weight, the emotions I've held deep inside, the failed relationships, the abuse, the hurt, the depression, the weight loss, the food, the exercise the 3 dreaded numbers-- all of the things in my life-- none of them are about me, not ONE.

While both good and bad things have happened in my life-- none of them were about me or for me really. These experiences serve a greater purpose-- they serve as a testimony that bad things do not equate being bad and good things do not always necessarily equal good. My experiences both good and bad are meant to help others. God has set a fire in my heart to share the embarrassing and awful things (as well as the good) that I've gone through-- to show you it's ok-- to help you understand you too can get through it all! I'm not by any means an authority on anything really-- all I can tell you is the honest truth and not only hope but know that it will speak to you.

I'm still going to focus on my weight loss journey-- but I'm also going to share with you the things that have shaped me. (which trust me, as you'll see soon enough, is a huge step in humility)

I'd have to say over the past 6 months that I've been on this journey (and 47lbs lost) there has been such a change in me. A change in not only my physical appearance but also a change in my heart-- a change in perspective. The change in weight is only a manifestation of what's been going on in the inside.

Once I got pissed enough with where my life was-- with who I was--- it was easy to change.. I started to see the bad parts.. and it was a matter of cutting out the cancer that was bringing me down-- it's honestly been a life changing experience and although it's such a simple concept it's a process. Although things happened to me-- I didn't choose them-- they chose me and that really is not my problem-- my job is merely to overcome the challenges-- to except them full heatedly-- no matter what happens to me it's not a reflection of the type of person I am.

When you strip away all of the things that aren't about you-- it's really a huge weight that's lifted-- a burden that was always too heavy and never intended for me to bare. When that weight is lifted the most beautifully awful thing happens-- you start to realize that all of those things that weren't about you are gone-- and what's left IS about you! That's where it can be difficult; to admit what YOU have done to impact the lives of others in both a positive and negative way because that really is ALL ABOUT YOU.

I have a lot more to say about all of this- but I wanted to share with you what is up and coming with this blog. It's just another discovery for me on the journey that I feel compelled to share with you.

246.5 --You've lost 40 lbs in Your Face

I periodically will send "progress" photos to close friends and family. One thing that was getting a little annoying is that my Mom kept saying "I can really tell you lost weight in your face" -- I was hoping after 47lbs a lot more than my face would look thinner. -- But something utterly amazing happened. I came across a photo of me at my highest weight-- and I couldn't believe how much different my face really did look. So for fun I created a montage of photos of my face. The top 3 are me at my heaviest and the lower 4 read from left to right in order of heaviest to lightest. The two to the far right were taken this past week when I was on vacation. You really can see quite a difference. I plan on posting more pics once I get them from my friend Sarah, who I was down visiting. A majority of the pics were taken on her camera and now she has a virus on her comp-- there are some full bodies on there that I'll share with you guys when I get them.

47lbs in my face.. not bad really I guess. :o)

I'm Back! 247

This is going to be a short post just to let you know I'm still around and kicking. These past 3 weeks have been very difficult because I've been dealing with my two herniated discs in my back. This last week was also the week I spent down in New Orleans/ Biloxi -- unfortunately the week before I left I hurt my back and it started to feel better and then the plane ride really did a number on it.. then is started to feel better and the plane ride home made it worse again. I then went on a 5 hour drive to my Grandma's for Easter and back again (again making my healing back worse) at this point it's the worst it's been over the 3 week period. I'm considering going into the doctor for it :o(. This also means I haven't been able to be as active as I've wanted-- I haven't stepped on the scale until today where it shows I've gone from 242 to 247-- well see how accurate a reading this is over the next couple of days.. if it does prove to be accurate it will be very disappointing. I'm getting anxious to get back to the gym. I will post more pictures when I get a chance (I've felt really bad being away from the blog so long).

Vacation Destination!!!! 243

I am super-d - duper excited about my up coming sojourns! First up is Biloxi Mississippi to visit Sarah and her husband! We're going to tote around New Orleans for a couple of days and just have an outright blast the rest of the time (maybe I'll even be smart to quit when I win money at the "cashino" this time). This trip is just 3 weeks away-- and I couldn't be more excited!

Second on my list of trips this year is my trip to visit one of my best friend's Amber! I'm going to be meeting up with her around memrial day in her home town SAN FRANCISCO and then we're going to head down to San Diego where her aunt has a condo in Corinado! I'm sooo excited! I think we're going to attempt to swim with the dolphins while there-- and bike a lot-- hit up the beach.. and who knows what else! Does anyone have any suggestions for either location?!?!?

Yummy in my Tummy --243

Introducing my new obsession--- Organic low fat strawberry yogurt-- with fresh frozen fruit (still slightly frozen-- including strawberries, blueberries, blackberries and raspberries) and topped off with a tiny bit of "Just Bunches" cereal...

I've been eating this for breakfast the past week-- if you'll also noticed I've dropped a lot of weight in the last week-- I'm not sure if this is related to being sick (since I wasn't working out) or... by adding something like this which is only about 200 calories for breakfast-- ASIDE from being extra yummy it's super healthy and filling!

After spending 4 bucks a pack on fresh raspberries and blackberries I decided to give the frozen fruit a try-- and to be perfectly honest I get a huge back for 3.25 and the berries all actually have a lot more flavor to them than the fresh fruit (the frozen fruit is pure frozen-- no sugar added). This turned out to be a much cheaper and better tasting alternative. The yogurt runs about $3.00 (comes in a 4 cup tub)-- so the whole meal ends up being super economical when you consider I get about 6 - 8 meals out of the yogurt and fruit!

Celebrity Collage by MyHeritage

MyHeritage: Celebrity Collage - Family research - Free genealogy websites

A Quickie--- 246.5

I'm just starting to feel better -- I had to take 2 days off of work this week due to my congestion situation. Unfortunately this has meant no gym time! But I do plan on starting back up (hopefully tomorrow) I'm really excited about the row machine and can't wait to get back on it! -- on a more positive note I've still be able to drop a couple LBs this week! :o)

*Sniffle Sniffle* 248

I had a really hard time sleeping last night and I couldn't figure out why.. until my alarm went off and I sat up in bed and realized I couldn't breathe out of my nose-- outstanding-- I also started coughing--- so it looks like overnight I either caught a cold or a sinus infection-- either way not a great way to start the week! I called off work today (and will probably have to cancel my dentist appointment for Thursday).

Bummer for being sick AGAIN. :o(

We Were Boxing... 248

I absolutely hate daylight savings-- I don't care if I'm "gaining" or "losing" an hour-- it's always annoying.

I've been working out on the elliptical lately and pairing that with the row machine. Yesterday I did 35 minutes on the elliptical and 8 minutes on the row machine. The row machine is TOUGH-- I really tried to tighten my stomach this time and really focus on dropping my back as far back as it would go when I would pull back to row. Since I can't seem to get my abs sore (I don't know why) this actually did the trick-- only slightly though-- so I'm going to really hit the row machine hard tomorrow-- maybe work myself up to 10 minutes.

In other gym news-- if you remember my mixed review on the "Tread Climber". Well all the machines are gone at the gym. Apparently the gym wasn't very pleased with them. They have now been replaced with "stair climbers" where it's actually a revolving escalator that you climb.. interesting concept but kinda lame if you ask me.

In the poetic lyrics department-- today's winner is Jack's Mannequin "Dark Blue"
We were boxing, we were boxing the stars-- we were boxing-- you were swinging for Mars.

I don't know why but I just love those lyrics.

Moving Down the Scale -248.5

YAY! I'm excited to have moved down! I've officially dropped a notch on the dreaded "doctor's scale". All I can say is I really needed this after yesterday! This is a great achievement and can't wait for the day when I get to move that notch down once more!

Three Strikes I'm out 250.5

My day started out well-- I actually had a semi- decent day @ work. I got home ready to work out--and I decided to check my myspace and facebook.

I saw a posting from my texas guy's sister. She had posted a bunch of pictures from Valentine's Day (which happens to be her Birthday-- and the day after happens to be her anniversary) As I was looking through the 50 or so photos there were a bunch of "Mr. I just want to be single" and a girl.

Wow! Why am I so easily replaced? Both my ex-fiance and this other guy started dating within a month of breaking up with me. Both now involved in relationships. This is doing wonders for my self-esteem.

So after feeling like I wanted to ball my eyes out I sucked it up and said "I'm going to work this off at the gym" -- so as I go swipe my card at the gym they let me know that my membership "expired" on 02/28. Joy. They said I could work out tonight but after this I need to renew. Now I have to figure out if I want to renew @ 55.00/ month or try out the 24 hour fitness (for I'm not sure how much/ month). Decisions! Can't I just work out!?!?!

I've been frustrated in general with my lack of progress on the scale since Valentines Day (Ironic I know). I'm having a hard time figuring out where my compass is trying to point. I don't know what to do about my job, my living situation, dating situation-- my WORK OUT situation. AHHHHH!

I hit the elliptical for 35 minutes-- then tried something new-- the row machine (which made it difficult to walk -- my toes kept wanting to point downward for the first few steps off the machine) -- I think I'm going to feel the row machine tomorrow (even though I just tried it for 5 minutes).

Fashion Spree- 251.5

I know I've been MIA for a week. To be honest with you I took a vacation from just about everything this week (including working out *gasp*) I just felt so overwhelmed by the monotony of my life (get up, work, come home, go to the gym, eat dinner, watch TV, bed) in and out every day-- I felt like my life was so boring and routine I just decided to take a vacation from that routine to re-energize and re-focus. I am officially off vacation today (worked out this morning on the eliptical for 35 minutes :o))

What have I been doing? Well... SHOPPING! Z Gallerie is going out of business (so I've been there 3 times this week to pick up on the now 50% off sale). I did some clothes and shoe shopping.

I must say I was really disappointed with Lane Bryant when I got a flyer/ coupon booklet and then when I went online and to the store I found out that the more colorful cool things I was aiming to get had all sold out (including online and warehouse) the SAME DAY the flyer came out. To be honest this really pisses me off. Lane Bryant went against the hum drum drain of plaid shirts (see previous post) but only carry a select number of the more fashion forward items! BOO! This upsets me, especially considering the alternative. Bravo to them for taking a step forward on the correct foot-- boo to them for being conservative in their numbers. Note to self: make a mad dash for the website as soon as I get the next booklet.

Indicently has anyone noticed the color scheme for this season is navy, yellow, green, white and purple-- it's kind of refreshing. Makes me feel like I should be on a sail boat sippin a mojeto.

I have to give some major Kudos to Lane Bryant for thier new approach to taking fashionable shots and hiring a stylist-- look how "WOW" this looks...
On the other hand-- I found a major gap in this on the website. Look on the same page we have the "stylized" model and the one that "did it herself" in the obviously cheaper rendition to the right (and you bet that's the shirt we get). Overall massive improvement-- but we have a way to go before we win the race tortise.Now here are the shoes I bought! Unfortunately the teal and white shoes from French Sole run about 1/2 size too small (and being a size 11 already rules out any hope of my step sister sized feet squeezing into this Cinderella's slipper :o() But on a positive note the other too pairs (brought to us by Me Too and Jessica Bennett Kurt) fit GREAT! GO TEAM!

That's a Whole Lot of Ugly -250

To go with my previous post about being "Thin Enough for Fashion" -- I was browsing a plus sized part of a website only to be smacked in the face by a whole lot of ugly. What is the point of having so many plaid shirts-- not only that but UGLY plaid shirts? Did Al Borland have a garage sale (I don't think so, Tim)? Has Paris Hilton been showing up in the back 9 barn making hoe downs all the rage? YUCK!Plus sized department: I'm embarrassed enough for you! STOP THE INSANITY! Ask any woman of any age or size if this is the ideal outfit-- something that makes her feel sexy-- and I'd venture to say every single woman could find something that would make her feel sexier.

Especially in a time like this where the economy is not so great and people are holding on to their money-- don't pitch trash-- and don't buy into the trash! Every piece of clothing I buy makes me feel sexy and like a woman (as much as possible). Literally every piece of clothing I have I feel like I could wear on a date and feel like a complete woman (t-shirts included). -- If it's not helping your cause it's hurting it.

I'm not trying to pick on this store-- because the problem is much larger than that-- it's a bias against larger women. Think how great a fashion forward plus sized store would do? Think how much happier women would be about their bodies if they could wear just as cute clothes as the next girl.