The Spread - 256

I hit the gym last night-- same old workout but actually did some weights-- today I fell asleep and slept past the time the gym was open (7pm) so I'm going to either have to fight the possessed treadmill in the basement or walk up and down the stairs-- or something to get in some exercise yet tonight (I'll let you know tomorrow how that works out)

Anyway I did want to share with you my grocery shopping experience today! I was so excited about all of these nutritional finds/ choices I made--- I also want to share my own *special* recipe on how to make tuna salad (what I had for lunch today).

Here's a pictures of the spread-- this is literally everything I bought-- (well sans 24 rolls of tp)
HOLD UP LET ME CALL A TIME OUT TO TALK ABOUT THIS!!Has anyone ever thought about how undignified it feels to buy toilet paper--- you always have to buy at least 6 rolls-- sometimes 12 or 24-- of course the double roll kind-- today I bought the 24 rolls because I absolutely hate buying tp. 24 rolls though-- man you have to lug that into the house all by itself-- freaking huge. Especially when you're a single gal--it's like announcing to the world "hey I spend a lot of time in the bathroom". *stepping off soap box*

So here is a list of what I bought
*tuna* *propel (I like to buy the 1 liter in mixed berry flavor--- I always drink one of these at work-- and the best part is at Walmart the 1 liter sells for $1.00)*
*cherries, blueberries, green grapes* *baby spinach and Caesar salad mix* *fat free italian dressing* *light balsamic dressing* *guacamole* *tostitos chips* *pico de gallo* *greek salad mix (basically feta, onions and tomatoes)* *eggs**acai and pomegrante juice* *cottage cheese**skinny cow icecream cones (only 150 calories)**go lean cereal* *just bunches cereal* *35 calorie whole wheat bread*--- all of this came to a grand total of $71.00 ouch-- but I have to say I'm very happy with all of my choices-- (although mildly disappointed with the tostitos-- I'm having problems controlling myself to eat those in moderation)

I should mention that before I talked about using Bistro MD as my meal plan-- but I haven't really used that since about Thanksgiving-- it's making choices like those I made today--- and choosing smaller portions -- or alternatives which has really helped me succeed.

Now on to the TUNA SALAD. Incidentally for lunch @ work I've basically been buying just tuna salad for lunch (no bread)-- the tuna salad they make is awesome with cut up little red onions and celery-- very little mayo and lots of good spices-- I just fill up on that and fruit for lunches. I decided this weekend to make my own tuna salad which has had rave reviews by some friends. I want to share it with you!
The ingredients-- light miracle whip, tuna, dill pickles, guacamole, two slices of 35 calorie whole wheat bread, dill weed, seasoned salt, paprika and onion powder-- typically I also like a slice of lettuce and tomato to accompany this sandwich but the tomatoes didn't look great @ the store-- so I made due with a side of pico.

Ok so it's pretty self explanatory-- I do everything to taste--but one secret I will tell you is that you should take a tablespoon of pickle juice (yes the dill pickle juice) and add it to the tuna salad mixture-- (this is a secret from my Grandma)

I was a little disappointed with my salad today-- it's been a while since I made mine with miracle whip (sometimes I just go without it all together and add in all the spices to the tuna)-- basically I put in too much miracle whip and had to add another can of tuna-- but it still wasn't the best tuna salad I've ever made.

ANYWAY-- moving on-- I toasted the bread and slapped on some guacamole on one side-- tuna salad on the other and some pickles to the top. I want to let you know that I know guacamole isn't the BEST food -- but it does have a lot of *good fat* in it-- and this particular guacamole is 50 calories for 2 tbs and 1 gram of fat per 2 tbs-- so in perspective it's not that bad.

So here is the final product. I did add some grape tomatoes and pico on the side (but didn't take a photo). If you try it let me know what you think!!!! If I wasn't really watching what I eat I'd probably add a slice of provolone to this sandwich and call it a day!Incidentally did you notice I'm down to 256 today (yesterday I was thinking while working out-- tomorrow I'm going to weight 255-- well I didnt' get what I was hoping for but I'll still take it :o))

Some New Pictures!

ok so today I was waiting for my prescription in the store and walked down the isle with all the mirrors-- seeing as my last pictures were a little blurry I thought I'd try and take a picture with my iphone-- much better result!

I also went shopping *for clothes that fit a little better* and took the liberty of doing the same in the changing room-- lol kinda lame I know.. but I hope you enjoy the pictures-- and if you see a difference PLEASE TELL ME!-- note to self-- next time I should try and look nice-- I was concentrating so hard on not being blurry I look mean! :o) I'm not I promise!

BTW after I went shopping I went to work out! Wahoo!

Where I've Been - 259

I was able to gain access of a couple of pictures from my friend Sarah's wedding (when I was @ 281.5). The dress may not have been the most flattering but you can definitely see the top portion is super form fitting---- it allows you to see a little of where I've been.

I went to the gym last night and plan on hitting it again today. Yesterday I did the treadmill 35 minutes-- and I bumped up the weights I do on my inner and outer thighs to 130lbs-- I'm feeling that in my left inner thigh today-- I've been reluctant to bump up the weight because I don't want to look like a body builder when all is said and done-- my main objective is to tone and get the fat off.

Say WHAT? 257.5

This morning I got up for work and took a look at myself in the mirror (as I do every morning) today I thought "wow I look thinner than I did yesterday! "Like I do every morning I hopped on the scale-- what then ensued can only be best described as a joyfully spontaneous rendition of the beloved limbo song "HOW LOW CAN SHE GO?!?!" -- now that's enthusiasm.. 257.5

In my enthusiasm I also decided to take my measurements-- 44 bust (that changed since deflation station +1) 38 waist (that's down 1) and 50 hip (that's down one too!)

Just an update-- still feeling under the weather today-- I'm hoping I'll feel well enough tomorrow to head back to the gym!

A Confession--- 260.5

So here's my confession ready for this? One of my best friends, Kai has her 31st B-day on Monday-- so to celebrate we decided to go to CHEESECAKE FACTORY! We split an order of taquitos (total of 4 so 2 and 2-- it's an appetizer) and we both had a slice of cheesecake. I actually had the lemon raspberry-- I didn't eat all of it-- and I avoided a majority of the whipped cream. It was a splurge on my part-- but I took it in moderation-- and I don't feel bad about. I was planning on hitting the gym afterward-- but to my dismay found out it closed tonight @ 7 (not 10 like I thought) so no I didn't get a work out in-- and that is very disappointing to me! I guess I'm just going to have to take this day off-- since I'm still sick it might actually be a good thing! -- I honestly and sincerely did want to go!

I also attempted to take some "progress photos" today-- unfortunately I have incredibly unsteady hands and the lighting was not the best-- so please tolerate the blurriness of the photos-- they were the best of the 30 I took! They are clear enough for you to get the idea....

Did anyone notice that I dropped from 263 to 260.5 in a day? -- that means overall I'm down 28.5 lbs from my heaviest -- and 21 lbs since I really started trying to loose the weight-- this is a victory-- especially after I was plateauing there for a while-- I broke through!

Deflation Station --- 263

Just to let you know I'm feeling incredibly emotionally drained today! I think I've cried more in these past 3 months than I have in the past 10 years (and that's no joke).

Where to start? well---- I started getting sick yesterday-- like super runny nose sick-- it all starts with a sneeze-- then another and another and then full blown sick. I got super frustrated because I thought "great now that I'm getting on track with going to gym -- I'm going to get too sick to go" -- today I fought tooth and nail to keep this cold at bay-- I've been using zicam and popping "tylenol sinus and severe congestion" every four hours. -- I've been drinking fluids-- including OJ for a boost of vitamin C-- and avoiding dairy (cause in case you didn't know-- dairy makes congestion worse).

Regardless I drug myself to the gym... I just did a lower intensity work out but did walk for 35 minutes and do a few weights-- I figured as long as I worked out a little I'd be in better shape than sitting on the couch @ home.

Back to deflation-- I took my measurements this morning bust 43 (wait what? where are my boobs going? I knew this was bound to happen-- and I did think they looked a little deflated this morning-- hence the measurement)-- waist 39 (no change :o() and hips 51 (improved).

To top off my mood today the guy I've been talking about lost his job today-- I found this out from his sister-- and no he hasn't talked to me.. I tried to leave him some encouragement with 3 texts to his phone and a message I left on his myspace page (which he immediately deleted) -- I think I'm just going to delete him as a friend all together-- I'm feeling too emotional about everything-- and part of me feels like he just needs space to work through his issues with his grandmas and with losing his job and another part of me thinks I've just got the message loud and clear.

What I have decided is that I'm just going to sit here being single (although being disatsified about the thought of it)-- I need time to get over these last two guys-- and time to focus on my weight loss goals-- I think I'm getting sick because I'm stressed out about just starting my new job-- the guys-- and my impatience with losing weight-- and forcing myself to the gym every day-- I just need to focus.

At the suggestion of a lot of comments I'm going to try and get some updated pictures up-- I also wanted to share that I used the "virtual me" to see the difference in weight loss from where I'm at today to where I want to be.-- maybe if I get super amitious tomorrow I will get my friend to take pics of me in similar poses so we can compare the "virtual me" to the real me.

A Victory-- A Defeat and a Baker's Dozen worth of Excuses 263.5

So-- my second day back at work-- I work 9:30 - 6pm (this is going to be my new schedule)-- We had some bad weather today so getting into work -- and getting home was a challenge. I realized I probably should go to the store to pick up some basic things (but mainly a supply of propel to drink at work)--while in there I saw a package of 4 HUGE triple chocolate chunk cookies on the "oops we baked too much" rack--- I scurried to pick them up and paraded around the store selecting fruit etc... those cookies kept eying me-- and I kept eying them...I kept scolding myself for even picking them up-- but then backing it up with "well you have been working out really hard" -- on my way to the check out-- I just finally challenged myself and said "you don't need those cookies--- you don't even want those cookies-- this will only set you back -- do you want the cookie-- or to loose weight more?" I pulled the cart over to one side grabbed the cookies-- took a good long stare and placed them on the shelf-- to me that was a huge victory!

By the time I got out of there it was 7:30pm -- on the way home I texted the boy I talked about in the first blog (the one that decided he wanted to be single but I still didn't know where we stood)-- I said "I'm not really sure exactly where we stand anymore.,.. but I miss you"---

By the time I got home it was 8-- I was tired and in no mood to go to the gym-- then I started thinking about the cookies and how I put those down.. and how I went to the gym yesterday-- and I kept trying to make an excuse as to why I shouldn't go-- but in reality-- I knew better-- there is absolutely nothing -- NOTHING that should keep me from the gym tonight (aside from the fact I just spend the last 8 hours sitting in a cubical-- all the more reason why I absolutely needed to go).

So I got dressed and hopped in my car-- about 2 minutes from the gym I hear I just got a text message-- I looked down and could see it was a long one-- I knew it was from him and decided--- I just have to get to the gym then I can look .... well once I pulled in I read it "I've been doing some serious thought about my situation-- I think it's best that we stay friends--with everything that's going on" -- well there I was dressed to work out-- sitting in the parking lot of the gym-- not wanting to work out even more -- I texted him back " I felt like you weren't interested when you were in town-- I think we both anticipated things to have gone differently.. I'm not really 100 % sure why that is-- but I think I have a good idea.. we can be friends.. or not be friends... it's up to you" I then stuck my phone in the console-- and went in to work out-- I did 35 minutes on the treadmill and decided to go home without doing weights. I went outside to the car to see if I got a response from him-- and there wasn't one.

I got the "friends" speech from him. I decided that I also have given my body the "friends" speech. We're not going anywhere--there's no romance left... sayonara baby!-- don't get me wrong.. I love myself-- I love me... it's all this padding I hate! I'm conducting an outright civil war-- excuses, emotions, temptations-- I've overcome you today-- one calorie, one day, one pound at a time.

261.5 -- I swallowed my guilt whole.

Thinking back on how I actually gained 56lbs in the past 2 years-- I think it really had a lot to do with the guilt I had surrounding my relationship. I think when you start to bury feelings and thoughts deep down inside--- it starts to grow roots into all aspects of your life. -- it's as if I had a redwood protruding out of my chest-- just so vast and immensely unfathomable to deal with. Once I started swallowing that guilt whole-- it just festered in my gut. I think that's why I'm feeling so liberated discussing things like my weight so openly now --- it's something that's always been there lurking in the shadows-- but there's no need to do that anymore. When you stop fearing the monster under the bed enough to actually lift up the covers and look him in the eye-- you realize you've been fearing an old sneaker and waded up sweater from 1982.

Does anyone else see a similar correlation in their life?

Today was my first day back @ work (after having been laid off for 3 months) -- I'm incredibly sore from yesterday's work out and almost decided not to go the gym tonight. Instead I decided to work through the pain-- I convinced myself to do just 35 minutes on the treadmill--- I walked slower today @ 3.7 mph but with an inclination that I started @ 4.5 and moved up to 6-- it was tough! After that I did convince myself to do some weights as well.. sometimes it's so hard to motivate myself.. but if I tackle it one item at a time-- I can often convince myself to do "just one more" exercise or "just 5 more minutes" -- I think this is a lot like how I have to approach my weight loss-- one calorie-- one day-- one pound at a time.

263 - the treadclimber kicked my ass!

Have you seen the commercials for the Treadclimber? They describe that it feels like you're walking in sand-- well I have no idea how to describe how it feels other than awkward and challenging! I tried the treadclimber about a month ago when 4 first arrived @ my gym-- interestingly enough only 1 of the 4 were in working condition when received (not good odds if you're looking to purchase one).

As previously discussed when I hop on the treadmill I always walk at about a pace of 4.2 mph. I started up the treadclimber (which incidentally takes a while to respond to the commands you give it) I kept hitting the speed up control until I hit about 4.2--- all the sudden I almost fell off... (since the machine took so long to respond) I had to keep adjusting the speed down until I was confident I wasn't going to embarrass myself by taking a face plant -- this occurred at about 2.8 mph.

I must admit that I did feel like I was getting a work out-- in fact I've never sweated so much in my entire life. I did have difficulty with the "pedals" mainly because I don't walk evenly--- with one of my legs I take a much shorter stride-- I had to make adjustments for this but once I got that figured out things went more smoothly. The system does monitor your heart rate while on the treadclimber (which mine was incredibly high-- so high in fact it kept telling me "find the right pace-- no need to rush this is twice the work out" --- seeing that flash about 98% of the time while I was working out was distracting). The machine does give a lot of suggestions; "slow down" "take longer strides" " even out your strides" but I found it to be a little too eager to help! At the end of the work out (20 minutes) I had burned much fewer calories than I do on the traditional treadmill-- and with a lot more effort. I haven't gone back to try the treadclimber yet-- but I think it does really do a good job of targeting a lot of muscles you don't normally hit as well.

This is my humble take on the treadclimber.. let me know what you think? It's ok to disagree!

In other news I did just get home from the gym-- all 30 treadmills (and treadclimber) were taken up when I got there-- the air was thick and humid with the stench of sweat in the air-- can't wait for mid February when everyone jumps off the New Years Resolution trek---

my workout consisted of inner and outer thigh abduction machines 120 lbs (while waiting on a machine to open up)-- I snagged a treadmill and walked 35 minutes @ an inclination that maxed out @ 4.5--- after which I did the ab machine @ 95lbs the triceps @ 50lbs and this other exercise that targets your back and your gut @ 120lbs. Then for good measure I hopped back on the treadmill and got another 20 minutes in--- from the treadmill standpoint I burned 550 calories-- all in all a pretty decent work out-- I'm already a little sore on my outer thighs (definitely feeling that more tomorrow) -- love knowing I "did some work son".

What's in a Number? --261.5

Well-- what exactly is in a number anyway-- well I'm going to tell you! Each blog title is going to be my weight the day I blog-- this helps keep me accountable!-- I've been slowly tracking my weight and keeping record. I think this is a good thing to do to help track progress and keep yourself motivated-- plus you can always see how different things effect your weight and actively progress your situation.

Now I know EVERYONE says do not weigh yourself... or only weigh yourself once a week-- I weigh myself pretty much every day. Why do I do this? Well I think it's important. Think about it -- if your bladder is full or you're retaining water (as women especially tend to do) and you only weigh yourself once a week--- it may appear that you have gained 5 pounds in the past week-- that only puts you in a downward spiral-- this is why I choose to weigh myself pretty much every day-- I can account for fluctuation and really keep track of where I'm at. Another thing I do is I always weigh myself when I get up in the morning (after I've gone to the bathroom and before I've ate or drank anything) this ensures that I have a constant of time-- my stomach is empty--so I don't have to worry about how much the food or water I just drank weighed (yes I am that anal).

So let me share some numbers with you!

11/14 269
11/15 267
11/16 268.5
11/17 269.5
11/18 269
11/19 269
11/20 267.5
11/21 267
11/22 265.5
11/30 266
12/01 267
12/02 265.5
12/03 266
12/06 264
12/20 263.5
12/28 261.5

On 10/13 my measurements were: bust 48 natural waist 43 and hips 54 weight 289
On 1/03 my measurements are: bust 45 natural waist 39 and hips 52 weight 261.5

Boy typing this is making me think twice about sharing---

So what have I been doing to lose weight?

When I hit the gym I go to the treadmill--- I'm not built for running so I just walk fast-- about 4.2 mph --- I do one of two things-- I either walk for a half hour (with 5 minute cool down)-- which typically burns about 350 calories (more depending on how much I mess with the inclination) --and then I'll lift weights for about a half hour after that-- focusing on my thighs, abs, triceps and biceps --- or I will walk for about 70 minutes (that is two 30 minute sessions with 2 five minute cool downs) On the second session I normally drop my pace to keep my heart rate up but not burn myself out--- I should mention my first session is much more intense where every 3 - 5 minutes I will increase the inclination and sometimes adjust the speed up-- I want to really hit it for the first 35---

Naturally our bodies don't go into fat burning mode until after you've been working out for at least 20 minutes-- so logically speaking keeping your heart rate up for at least an hour (whether by more walking or weights) is what allows me to get the max out of my work out.

Food wise I've been eating BistroMD-- which has been quite a challenge-- considering it is gourmet food but EVERY meal consists of a meat and two vegetables--- since I've never been a hardy meat eater-- it's difficult to have it EVERY day-- I find myself missing pastas and especially salads.

When I lost 30 lbs before I did use nutrisystem-- but I have to warn you the food is not nearly as good and when I ended up doing was ordering items ala cart to get the items I liked--- I really enjoyed the chicken cacciatori for lunch-- my biggest suggestion with nutrisystem is to avoid anything that is primarily meat-- because a lot of times it looks or smells like cat food (sometimes even tastes like it)--- the muffins they had made me throw up because they were so dry--- so when I ordered my food I stuck to lunch and dinner items then had fruit for breakfast-- or a cup of a cereal like "honey nut clusters"--- one thing I highly recommend from nutrisystem is the chocolates--- those were the best snack and really the only snack I ever ordered.

I'm not really a fan of any sort of diet pills-- it always comes out years later that it causes birth defects or cancer or liver or kidney failure--- I have recently invested in some "women's health" pills from GNC-- that claims to help digest the fat-- and I have noticed that it does help with the weight loss. I have considered maybe trying that acai pills-- but as afore mentioned I'm not a big fan of diet pills or fads-- it's always safest to do things the natural and right way.