Forward Forward Always Forward-- 258.5

“Forward, forward always forward.
Never sideways. Never backwards and certainly never giving up.”

These are the words of General Patton. Ironically I heard them on the radio yesterday on my way home-- these words have stayed with me since I heard them-- and I need to share what I've been through.

Yesterday was awful. I got off work late with every intention of going to the gym. As I started driving home I came up with every excuse in the book as to why I shouldn't go to the gym. I could name the excuses but what it really boiled down to is that I didn't want to go. I'm not going to sit here and lie to you-- I simply didn't want to. (and yes my desire to go-- and then not go did change that quickly)

What you don't know is that my ex-fiance and I have been in communication over the past two days via email and text. All of these feelings came boiling to the surface and what I really wanted to do was run back to him-- but I know right now that is the wrong thing.

What then ensued was a long list of emotions. I felt lonely. I felt sad. I felt angry. I felt ...self pity. I felt fat. I felt ugly. I felt like nothing mattered. I didn't care about working out-- I thought about giving up.

On my way home I stopped by Q'doba (for those of you who aren't familiar it's basically Chipotle). I ordered the vegetarian burrito (rice, black beans, cheese, guacamole, sour cream, and pico) I knew this was a bad choice-- but I didn't care. I took it home-- I drank a sprite (which I never drink soda)-- it's one that was left over from when the other guy was in town. I ate the whole burrito-- then I had a "skinny cow" ice cream.

Then I sat there and felt guilty--

I was mad at guy two for rejecting me for being FAT. I was mad at myself for how I let myself go. I was mad that I didn't go to the gym that night. I was mad that I didn't control my emotions and allowed all that food to overfill my empty stomach which in turn did nothing to fill the void I was feeling. I then was sad. I upset that I would even consider running right from one guy back to the other-- and never allowing myself to grieve. The whole thing was a mess. I was a mess.

Then I remembered the quote I had heard on the radio on the way home... “Forward, forward always forward. Never sideways. Never backwards and certainly never giving up.” It did mean something to me-- and I'm not just saying that. I've gone through a lot these past few months-- a lot of hurt and rejections on more than one level. Yet I look at what I've accomplished so far. I can't just give up on myself-- I can't let these emotions get in the way of my goals-- I especially can't let the food get in the way.

This morning I woke up to an email from my ex-fiance saying he can't do it-- he can't be "friends" it's causing too much turmoil-- and I guess to a certain extent I agreed. We both need to focus-- we both need to grow---

As much as I wanted to go the gym when I got off work today-- I just really didn't want to again. But with a day like yesterday and the tremendous amount of guilt I had-- I decided yesterday I had to commit to going for the rest of the week. So when I got home I went to the gym. I got on that treadclimber again (the second trial run of it) and I hit it hard with weights. When I was finished working out (which incidentally only was about 40 minutes) I couldn't believe how AWESOME I felt-- my body thanked me for working out-- I haven't felt that good after working out in a long while (probably more than a year). It wasn't that emotionally I felt better-- it was just the way my body felt. I knew then that I was doing the right thing. I've been doing the right thing. I just have to keep moving forward---- always.

It's been a tough couple of days-- I'm not going to lie-- but I'm making it through.
“Forward, forward always forward. Never sideways. Never backwards and certainly never giving up.”

263 - the treadclimber kicked my ass!

Have you seen the commercials for the Treadclimber? They describe that it feels like you're walking in sand-- well I have no idea how to describe how it feels other than awkward and challenging! I tried the treadclimber about a month ago when 4 first arrived @ my gym-- interestingly enough only 1 of the 4 were in working condition when received (not good odds if you're looking to purchase one).

As previously discussed when I hop on the treadmill I always walk at about a pace of 4.2 mph. I started up the treadclimber (which incidentally takes a while to respond to the commands you give it) I kept hitting the speed up control until I hit about 4.2--- all the sudden I almost fell off... (since the machine took so long to respond) I had to keep adjusting the speed down until I was confident I wasn't going to embarrass myself by taking a face plant -- this occurred at about 2.8 mph.

I must admit that I did feel like I was getting a work out-- in fact I've never sweated so much in my entire life. I did have difficulty with the "pedals" mainly because I don't walk evenly--- with one of my legs I take a much shorter stride-- I had to make adjustments for this but once I got that figured out things went more smoothly. The system does monitor your heart rate while on the treadclimber (which mine was incredibly high-- so high in fact it kept telling me "find the right pace-- no need to rush this is twice the work out" --- seeing that flash about 98% of the time while I was working out was distracting). The machine does give a lot of suggestions; "slow down" "take longer strides" " even out your strides" but I found it to be a little too eager to help! At the end of the work out (20 minutes) I had burned much fewer calories than I do on the traditional treadmill-- and with a lot more effort. I haven't gone back to try the treadclimber yet-- but I think it does really do a good job of targeting a lot of muscles you don't normally hit as well.

This is my humble take on the treadclimber.. let me know what you think? It's ok to disagree!

In other news I did just get home from the gym-- all 30 treadmills (and treadclimber) were taken up when I got there-- the air was thick and humid with the stench of sweat in the air-- can't wait for mid February when everyone jumps off the New Years Resolution trek---

my workout consisted of inner and outer thigh abduction machines 120 lbs (while waiting on a machine to open up)-- I snagged a treadmill and walked 35 minutes @ an inclination that maxed out @ 4.5--- after which I did the ab machine @ 95lbs the triceps @ 50lbs and this other exercise that targets your back and your gut @ 120lbs. Then for good measure I hopped back on the treadmill and got another 20 minutes in--- from the treadmill standpoint I burned 550 calories-- all in all a pretty decent work out-- I'm already a little sore on my outer thighs (definitely feeling that more tomorrow) -- love knowing I "did some work son".