Wednesday, January 21, 2009

The Possesed Treadmill 258

In the deep recesses of my basement stands a treadmill that is folded up-- a nordictrack solaris to be exact. It's been sitting in my basement for about 10 months-- it was placed there by my parents. I know they had issues with it so I assumed it was DOA. When I was talking to my Mom the other night about the hours of the YMCA and how particularly on the weekend it's hard to get to the gym in the allotted hours. She mentioned to me that I should use the treadmill in the basement after inquisition she revealed the treadmill indeed worked.

Well I know myself pretty well and I know if I don't actually go to the gym I don't push myself as hard. Under the circumstances-- between being sick and my utter distrust of my tivo actually recording all 3 hours of the LOST premiere I decided to "take one for the team" and swipe the cobwebs off the solaris.

It was more difficult than I thought to even pull the machine into a place where I could drop the bed down (the wheels on the machine are in an awkward place that render them virtually useless). Once I got the treadmill into a spot where I could drop the bed, I realized that the cord was only about 4 feet long (why do all treadmill companies feel that the front of your machine should only be 4 feet from the wall?)-- anyway that's a gripe in and of itself. My point is I then I had to search for an extension cord-- which I didn't have. --- My brain started working and I figured out that I actually had a power cord strip that was just long enough to bridge the divide between the socket and the minx tail of a power cord. I plugged her in and SUCCESS I saw the light on the power cord light up (I wasn't entirely confident that the socket I plugged it into actually had power). I hopped on the treadmill with so much enthusiasm only to be perplexed as to why nothing on the machine was lighting up! I remember there was a "reset" button on the actual treadmill so I flipped that on and off-- still nothing--- then I see a "key" emblem adorning an indentation that was reminiscent of a half dollar-- what kind of key would go in there? I saw then that there was a strap wrapped around the side of the grip bar with a circular adaptation (which magnetically attaches to the indentation)... POWERED UP and ready to go now!

I jumped on the treadmill again and messed with the speed-- up to 3.8mph @ 6% inclination. As I'm getting comfortable about 3 minutes in (and finding the built in fan) I noticed that all of the sudden the belt was moving slower and slower to a stop! WHAT? I proceeded to walk and actually move the belt myself which somehow triggered the machine to boost into warp speed 5 mph-- so I was faced with running or falling off-- in a split second decision I found myself running-- then the machine readjusted to about 4 mph and stayed there--- until 30 seconds later it powered down again to nothing. I thought "damn it-- the one time I try and work out at home and this happens" I went through these cycles of nothing to warp 10 s and settling every minute or so until I hit 10 minutes. I considered giving up all together but I remembered my commitment for the 90 in 09 and decided running or not I would have to stick it out for at least 20 minutes.

Once I was about 10 minutes into the work out the belt stopped moving all together again-- and never decided to pick back up. I figured that I was probably getting more of a work out making that belt move with my leg power than with a machine that pulls the belt-- I hit 19 minutes (1 minute before I was going to throw in the towel) and the belt started turning @ 6 miles an hour-- I decided this must have been Divine intervention and that I would just stick with it and RUN (not taking the mph down at all)-- now I've mentioned before that I'm horrible at running-- I'm just not built for it being drastically uncoordinated-- being flat footed and knock kneed-- but I figured-- heck it's only going to work for another 30 seconds or so-- wouldn't you know that thing kept going for about 4 minutes when I decided I couldn't stand to run anymore or I would pass out. I bumped the mph back down to 4mph and the belt gave way again-- I decided to throw in the towel at that point which was 23 minutes.

That being said I think I'll just stick to going to the gym. Too much drama getting in the way of my work out-- even though it is kinda funny-- the last thing I need is a possessed treadmill.

I then went upstairs and watched LOST holy cow I love that show! Is anyone else here a LOST fan?

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