As the summer is upon us I'm stuck in a bit of a dilemma as I pull my summer wardrobe out I'm noticing that NONE of my clothes fit me! This is awesome, annoying and terrifying all at the same time! Especially since I haven't been required to wear dress pants to work for the past month (we were allowed to wear jeans if we donated to Ronald McDonald House). Anyway, after having not had to wear dress pants for a month I come back to find that all of them are too big! They seem to fit ok when I leave the house but I notice that as I walk they slide further and further down my hips causing an immense case of "droopy butt syndrome" (Where it looks like I'm wearing or diaper.. or perhaps like I *should* have been wearing one). This also has brought to mind the fact that there is no graceful or attractive way to hike up your pants. I'm having to constantly pull and yank them up after sitting, while walking etc. The worst part is that not even my belt is remotely snug anymore.
Why is this terrifying you may be asking? Isn't it great that none of my clothes fit because that marks real change? Well not entirely! You see I've been a size 20 for as long as I remember (I even remember being a size 20 in 5th grade when I was excited that they actually made Levi's in a size 20 that didn't have an elastic waistband). Honestly, that was like the most exciting day of my life because I could wear a brand that everyone else was wearing-- but that's an entire different story.
Back on track. Why is this terrifying? Well you see since I've been the same size my entire adult life and beyond.. I have clothes... I have a TON of clothes actually that I've been able to accumulate over the years. My sense of style has always been unique because limited to the "plus sized department" and a few key stores like Lane Bryant, I've had to rely on a keen sense of matching things that fit with contrasting colors. I've had to search through all the trash that's out there to find a few items I truly love-- nothing that screams "plus sized department"-- things that fit in enough but are outside the box of the normal fashion realm. Throughout the years I've been complimented on my style (which honestly developed with a bit of effort but really out of my necessity to not be viewed as the token fat girl).
So the fact that my clothes don't fit-- well that's scary! I'm going to have to venture out and not only financially commit to a whole new wardrobe but also I'm faced with the fact that I won't be able to shop in the stores I've been so accustomed to. As I lose more and more weight it's going to open the doors to many MANY new stores. I'm going to have to put more effort into keeping and developing my sense of style. I'm going to have to seriously hunt for things I truly love and not just buy things because I now fit into them. I'm going to have to be careful not to overspend on items for the same reason! The entire situation is daunting already and I'm not even there!
I never expected to have this sense of insecurity before. I want to hit my goal weight so bad! I really do.. but I'm starting to get intimidated! Not only for the clothes reason (which sounds so materialistic and stupid) but also from the aspect of the men department! I've already had so many issues with men in my life.. I know as I continue to lose weight I'm going to have more men approach me.. and not only approach me but more men coming at me for the WRONG reasons. I need to be careful as I've been redirecting my focus from yet another failed relationship (which I've been careful not to mention on here-- ).
I'm spending this time redirecting my focus from men.. re-focusing my attention to working out/ losing weight-- re-focusing my thoughts and actions toward my friends and family and God.. and just trying to keep my head on straight. This is tough! I can't believe how none of these things really came to mind before! But I guess there was something so poignant about hitting the 50lbs lost mark that really had me thinking. This entire process has really been amazing. It really has. I'm excited to see where this will take me in the next few months.
Why is this terrifying you may be asking? Isn't it great that none of my clothes fit because that marks real change? Well not entirely! You see I've been a size 20 for as long as I remember (I even remember being a size 20 in 5th grade when I was excited that they actually made Levi's in a size 20 that didn't have an elastic waistband). Honestly, that was like the most exciting day of my life because I could wear a brand that everyone else was wearing-- but that's an entire different story.
Back on track. Why is this terrifying? Well you see since I've been the same size my entire adult life and beyond.. I have clothes... I have a TON of clothes actually that I've been able to accumulate over the years. My sense of style has always been unique because limited to the "plus sized department" and a few key stores like Lane Bryant, I've had to rely on a keen sense of matching things that fit with contrasting colors. I've had to search through all the trash that's out there to find a few items I truly love-- nothing that screams "plus sized department"-- things that fit in enough but are outside the box of the normal fashion realm. Throughout the years I've been complimented on my style (which honestly developed with a bit of effort but really out of my necessity to not be viewed as the token fat girl).
So the fact that my clothes don't fit-- well that's scary! I'm going to have to venture out and not only financially commit to a whole new wardrobe but also I'm faced with the fact that I won't be able to shop in the stores I've been so accustomed to. As I lose more and more weight it's going to open the doors to many MANY new stores. I'm going to have to put more effort into keeping and developing my sense of style. I'm going to have to seriously hunt for things I truly love and not just buy things because I now fit into them. I'm going to have to be careful not to overspend on items for the same reason! The entire situation is daunting already and I'm not even there!
I never expected to have this sense of insecurity before. I want to hit my goal weight so bad! I really do.. but I'm starting to get intimidated! Not only for the clothes reason (which sounds so materialistic and stupid) but also from the aspect of the men department! I've already had so many issues with men in my life.. I know as I continue to lose weight I'm going to have more men approach me.. and not only approach me but more men coming at me for the WRONG reasons. I need to be careful as I've been redirecting my focus from yet another failed relationship (which I've been careful not to mention on here-- ).
I'm spending this time redirecting my focus from men.. re-focusing my attention to working out/ losing weight-- re-focusing my thoughts and actions toward my friends and family and God.. and just trying to keep my head on straight. This is tough! I can't believe how none of these things really came to mind before! But I guess there was something so poignant about hitting the 50lbs lost mark that really had me thinking. This entire process has really been amazing. It really has. I'm excited to see where this will take me in the next few months.
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Wow. That's crazy! I guess I've switched sizes so much that I don't have any clothes more than a year or two old! Good luck with the shopping in new stores! You're gonna love it, all the options....huzzah! Congrats!
ReplyDeleteHey there, I found your blog randomly blogsurfing around and just had to add a "right there with you" comment.
ReplyDeleteIn the past year, I've had to go through basically two sets of wardrobes (4xlt to 3xlt, and then now to 2xlt mostly). It's both really, really awesome and sucky - because it costs so dagum much!!
But I totally identify with how awesome a feeling it is to be able to shop in the "normal" stores - although that's more of a crapshoot for me being 6'4" and wearing impossible to find and never stocked Tall shirt sizes.
So from one stranger to another in the weight loss fight, keep it up. And don't get don't about being motivated by the fellas, seriously. That's a perfectly valid reason, and don't let anyone get super-spiritual or better-than-thou about it. It's a great feeling to start dropping the pounds a realize that you are getting more attractive to the other sex.
Well, sorry for the rambling comment!
If there are clothes you really love, why not find a seamstress that can alter some of them? It may be less money to get stuff altered. Hope you continue to enjoy the journey and focus on healthy choices.
ReplyDelete